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Old May 21st, 2007, 15:09   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #51
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The mother and kid joke is still my fav

7, if Mona is the joke queen - does that mean I'm the joke king?
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Old May 22nd, 2007, 15:12   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #52
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T, if that's your wish I'm sure we could arrange something
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Old May 27th, 2007, 20:59   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #53
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haha I definitely got a good laugh reading this thread Thanks guys
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Old May 29th, 2007, 17:00   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #54
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Parking place

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey". Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
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Old May 29th, 2007, 17:24   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #55
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that's soooooooooo old Monkri But still a good laugh... thanky!
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Old May 29th, 2007, 22:37   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #56
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Yeah I know... he he. That's why I added the red face
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Old August 26th, 2007, 10:57   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #57
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Man, I haven't had such a good laugh in a long time! Thanks for the jokes guys.
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Old September 21st, 2007, 09:04   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #58
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I've found a few bar jokes that I wanted to add

A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

A dog with his foot wrapped in a bloody bandage hobbles into a Western saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

A goldfish flops into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. That's not my dog."

A guy walks into a bar. A horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?" The guy says, "Honestly, no. I never thought the parrot would sell the place."

A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The skeleton says, "Give me a beer, and a mop."

A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: "What's the quickest way to get to Dublin?" "Are you walking or driving?" asks the barman. "Driving," says a man. "That's the quickest way," says the barman.

A fellow walks into a pub near Buckingham Palace in London, sits down, and says, "Give me a beer. I've had a rough day at work." And the bartender says, "Oh? What do you do?" The guy says, "I take care of the corgis--you know, the dogs the royal family owns." The bartender asks, "Tough job, huh? The guy says, "Yeah. All that inbreeding has led to low intelligence and bad temperaments. And the dogs aren't too smart, either."

A man goes into a bar and says, "Give me a drink before the trouble starts." And the bartender pours him a drink. He drinks it and says, "Give me another drink before the trouble starts." He downs that one and says quotation mark, give me another drink before the trouble starts." Finally, the bartender asks, "Just when is this trouble going to start?" The man says, "The trouble starts just as soon as I tell you that I don't have any money."

A tourist goes into a bar where a dog is sitting in a chair playing poker. He asks, "Is that dog there really playing poker?" And the bartender says, "Yeah, but he's not too smart. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail."

This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper. And so are his shirt, vest, chaps, pants, and boots. His spurs are also made of paper. Pretty soon, the sheriff arrives and arrests him for rustling.

A guy goes into a bar, orders four shots of the most expensive 30-year-old single malt Scotch whisky and downs them one after the other. The bartender says, "You seem to be in a great hurry." The guy says, "You would be too if you had what I have." The bartender asks, "What have you got? "Fifty cents," is the reply.

A Northerner walks into a bar in the Deep South around Christmas time. A small nativity scene is behind the bar, and the guy says, "That's a nice nativity scene. But how come the three wise men are all wearing firemen's hats?" And the bartender says, "Well, it says right there in the Bible--the three wise men came from afar."

A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a voice say, "Nice tie." Looking around, he saw that the bar was empty except for him and the bartender. A few sips later, another voice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man calls the bartender over. "Say, I must be losing my mind," he tells him. "I keep hearing these voices say nice things, and there is not a soul in here but us." "It's the peanuts," explains the bartender, indicating a dish on the bar. "The peanuts?" "That's right, the peanuts--they're complementary."

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He says, "A beer for me and one for my giraffe." And they stand around drinking for hours until the giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender says, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lyin' on the floor, are you?" The man says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

A guy walks into a bar with a German shepherd dog. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!" The man replies, "No, I can't read the sign--I'm blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog." The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the man tells his friend about it: "I told him I was blind, and I got a free beer!" The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down. The bartender says, "The sign says no dogs allowed! You'll have to leave!" The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog." The bartender replies, "Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as Seeing Eye dogs?" The man says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"

A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me. I'm just looking around."

A man walks into a bar looking sad, and the bartender asks him, "What's the matter?" The man says, "My wife and I had a fight, and she told me she wasn't going to speak to me for a month. The month is up today."

This guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He looks in his pocket and orders another drink, looks in his pocket and orders still another drink. His curiosity aroused, the bartender asks, "What are you doing? What's in your pocket?" And the guy says, "It's a picture of my wife. When she starts looking good to me, I know it's time to go home."
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Old September 21st, 2007, 11:32   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #59
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Quote:
A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me. I'm just looking around."
Quote:
A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
hehehe Nice ones...
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Old September 22nd, 2007, 21:46   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #60
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Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.

"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
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Old March 25th, 2008, 17:57   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #61
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One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass".

The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can''t afford a thing to eat."

So the layer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house."

The guys then said, "But I have a wife and three kids." The lawyer told him to bring them along.

When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you."

The layer said, "You''re going to love it there, the grass is a foot tall."
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Old March 26th, 2008, 13:38   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #62
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hehe good one T
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Old May 27th, 2008, 17:29   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #63
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A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home now Mother of Six?"

His wife, finally fed up with her husband, shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
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Old May 29th, 2008, 10:20   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #64
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hehe that's got to hurt Drogba.

Here is a follow up;

Jacob and Ben were talking in the school cafeteria at lunchtime. “Ben, you remember that kite I made in art class last year?,” Jacob asked. “Best kite in the fifth grade. Everybody knew it. But nobody called me Jacob the Kite-Maker, did they?”

“No, no they didn’t.”

“This summer, when I won that skateboard competition at the YMCA skatepark, did anybody call me Jacob the Skater?”

“I don’t think so,” Ben admitted.

Jacob went on. “And last week, I got the only 100 on that math test. But you didn’t hear anybody calling me Jacob the Mathematician, did you?”

“No, not that I heard.”

“But I eat one lousy booger…”
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Old May 30th, 2008, 14:14   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #65
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Originally Posted by Drogba View Post
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home now Mother of Six?"

His wife, finally fed up with her husband, shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
haha Didier, that's so bad!!
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Old May 30th, 2008, 19:42   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #66
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ewww Allen, come on now
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Old June 5th, 2008, 15:12   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #67
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A young sailor was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor asks “How’d you end up with a peg-leg?”

“I was swept overboard during a fierce storm,” says the pirate. “and a bloody shark bit off me whole darn leg!”

“Holy cow!” said the sailor. “What about the hook, how’d you get that?”

“Me crew and I were boarding an enemy ship, a fierce sword battle ensued. One of them cut me darn arm!”

“Absolutely incredible!” gasped the sailor. “And the eye patch, tell me how you got that?”

“A bloody seagull dropping fell into me eye,” replied the pirate.

“Umm, you lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” asked the sailor, admonished.

Embarassed, the pirate answered “It was me first day with the hook.”
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Old December 16th, 2008, 15:59   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #68
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lol this thread is awesome! Show me more
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Old December 30th, 2008, 14:02   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #69
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Good one Tony!!!

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
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Old January 26th, 2009, 12:19   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #70
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what makes music on your head?


A head-band
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Old January 26th, 2009, 12:35   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #71
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Quote:
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what makes music on your head?

A head-band
hehe that's the type of joke we'd never figure out. Good one
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Old January 28th, 2009, 11:53   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #72
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Default Top 10 Signs You Need To Clean Your Pool

Itís the middle of winter, you probably havenít looked at your pool in months and youíre probably afraid to. Youíve got no pool cover, nor have you even thought about installing one. Ignorance is bliss, and so is denial for that matter. Here are the top 10 signs that you need to really clean your poolÖ

1. You know that green tarp covering your swimming pool? Itís NOT a pool cover.
2. The kids in the neighborhood ask if they can jump on your trampoline.
3. The waterís pH is so high, in vitro fertilization is possible.
4. Kids still pee in your pool, but they refuse to get in it first.
5. Skipping rocks across the water causes sparks.
6. A new algae species attract a Discovery Channel film crew to your backyard.
7. The Grim Reaper shows up in his Speedo.
8. Dr. Kervorkian was seen filling IV bottles at pool side.
9. You havenít seen that much scum since Mickey Rourkeís last movie.
10. The amount of body hair found covering drain gives Prince Albert a run for his money.
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Old January 28th, 2009, 12:37   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #73
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Uuuughh.. NASTY!
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Old January 28th, 2009, 17:15   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #74
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A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
haha good one
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Old January 29th, 2009, 21:02   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #75
Zeiko - Male
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Name: Gary
Joined FR: Aug 2007
Location: The Land of Sheep
Total Posts: 280
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These are actual answers on a McDonald’s application submitted by a 17 year old kid someplace in Florida. They actually hired him too. I think this kid’s gonna go far…

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.
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