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Old February 6th, 2007, 15:30   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #1
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Got a joke? Post it!

The title of this thread says it all, you know a GOOD joke - post it and give us all a good laugh The best jokes are definitely the support calls where customers drive the tech support crazy...
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Old February 7th, 2007, 16:18   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #2
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Saleswoman and customer!

* Saleswoman: "Do you realize that the modem you've chosen doesn't have sound support?"

* Customer: "What exactly does a 'modem with no sound support' mean?"

* Saleswoman: "It means that if you go to a web page that has a movie or sound file, you won't be able to hear it."

* Customer: "What does the modem have to do with that?"

* Saleswoman: "Well, sir, the modem is what connects your computer to the Internet."

* Customer: "So, you're telling me that this particular modem scans the TCP/IP packets passing through it for those belonging to any sound application and filters them out?"

* Saleswoman: "Yes."

* Customer: "How does it accomplish this feat?"

* Saleswoman: "I'm not technical enough to answer that. Please hold."
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Old February 15th, 2007, 13:06   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #3
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Customer vs Tech!

* Customer: "I can't get online."

* Tech Support: "Can you be more specific?"

* Customer: "It says, 'Bad username/password'."

* Tech Support: "What is your username?"

* Customer: "Are you sure that the Internet isn't closed for the night?"
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Old February 15th, 2007, 13:10   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #4
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Customer vs Tech!

* Customer: "My youngest son was surfing the web last night and to my shock he was at [a British comedy site]."

* Tech Support: "Yes, what is the problem?"

* Customer: "The '.uk' at the end -- doesn't that stand for United Kingdom?"

* Tech Support: "Yes."

* Customer: "Just great -- I knew it! He's in trouble now! He was there for almost a half hour! How much does AOL charge for long distance?"

* Tech Support: "It does not work that way. You can surf anywhere without long distance charges."

* Customer: "No, I am sure AOL charges extra. It doesn't make any sense that they wouldn't. England is a long way away, they would lose millions not to.
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Old February 16th, 2007, 12:19   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #5
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Hahahaha!
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Old February 23rd, 2007, 09:08   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #6
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10 expressions in golf that sound everything else but golf-related!

1. Look at the size of his putter.

2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.

3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.

4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

6. Lift your head and spread your legs.

7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.

8. Just turn your back and drop it.

9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.

10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
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Old February 23rd, 2007, 09:09   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #7
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A golfer and his wife!

A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed like an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring just the right wind direction and speed. Driving his partner absolutely nuts.

Finally, his exasperated partner say, "Why are you taking so long? Just hit the blasted Ball!!!"

The guy answers, "Look, my wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Ah, forget it man, you're never gonna hit her from here..."
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Old February 26th, 2007, 11:34   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #8
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Thumbs up Lawyer and his bills!

A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client attaching a note which said "This bill is one year old".

By return mail, the lawyer had his bill back.

To it was attached another note: "Happy birthday!"
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Old February 26th, 2007, 11:37   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #9
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A very old lady, working as an english teacher asked a grammar question in her class:

When I say "I am beautiful", which tense is it?

One student raises his hand and says: It's the past for sure!
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Old February 26th, 2007, 11:54   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #10
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Sports Commentator Bloopers!

Here are some comments made by sports commentators that I'm sure they would like to take back:

1. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back."

2. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

3. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing - but none of them really that serious."

4. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

5. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
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Old February 26th, 2007, 11:56   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #11
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Comments made by football (soccer) commentators!

1. Well, it's Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this way, I've got to fancy Liverpool for the win.

2. He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long.

3. And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record.

4. With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header.

5. Well, it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour: almost all the Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts.

6. If that had gone on, it would definitely have been a goal.

7. Their manager, Howard Wilkinson, isn't here today, which strongly suggests that he may be elsewhere.

8. I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other need to score two to win.

9. If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead.

10. You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but there were eight.
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Old February 26th, 2007, 14:27   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #12
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hehehehe!
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Old February 28th, 2007, 12:21   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #13
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Default Get in shape!

This is so wrong

"I thought you were trying to get into shape? I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
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Old February 28th, 2007, 12:26   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #14
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Doctors office

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
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Old February 28th, 2007, 12:26   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #15
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Thumbs up Great joke!

An old man and a young man worked in office next to each other. The young man had noticed that the older man always seemed to have a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man loved peanuts.

One day while the older man was away from his desk the young man couldn't resist and went to the old man's jar and ate over half the peanuts.

When the old man returned the young man felt guilty and confessed to taking the peanuts.

The old man responded "That's ok since I lost my teeth all I can do is lick the chocolate off the M&Ms."
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Old February 28th, 2007, 12:28   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #16
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Women and chocolate!

It's been determined that it's a bad idea to give chocolate to a woman with PMS. It can worsen the condition.

However, it's an even WORSE idea to try to take AWAY chocolate from a woman with PMS.
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Old February 28th, 2007, 13:00   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #17
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mmmmmhhhmmmm

Oh my god! Groooose (The old doctor with the peanuts)
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Old March 2nd, 2007, 17:27   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #18
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If this only was true :)

DIET RULES:

1. If no-one sees you eat something, it has no calories.

2. When drinking a diet-coke with a chocolate bar, the fat in the chocolate bar is cancelled out by the diet-coke.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes does NOT count. (for example: chocolate, toast, cheesecake and vodka)

5. If you fatten up the people around you,you will look thinner.

6. Cinema-related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake. (this includes: popcorn, minties, maltesers, jaffas and frozen cokes)

7. Biscuit pieces have no calories because breaking the biscuits up causes calorie leakage.

8. Food licked from knives and spoons has no fat if you are in the process of cooking something.

9. Foods that are the same colour have the same amount of fat. Examples are: spinach and peppermint ice-cream;apples and red jelly snakes.

10.Chocolate is a food-colour wildcard and may be substituted for any other colour.

11.Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of calorie mass.

12.Food consumed from someone else's plate has no fat as it rightfully belongs to the other person and the fat will cling to his/her plate.
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Old March 2nd, 2007, 18:29   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #19
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Thumbs up

LOL
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Old March 5th, 2007, 11:01   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #20
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Finally, a friend's husband has decided that, at the ripe old age of 48, he needs to get into shape. We went to the gym where a trainer asked him if he could do the splits. 'Of course I can't', he answered. 'How flexible are you?' she asked. To which he replied 'Well, I can't do Tuesdays.'
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Old March 5th, 2007, 11:02   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #21
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Aerobics jokes!

Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a well mannered professional torturer?
A. The torturer would apologize first.

Q.Why did the aerobics instructor cross the road?
A. Someone on the other side could still walk.

Q. What do aerobics instructors and people who make bacon have in common?
A. They both tear hams into shreds.

Q. How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four!...Three!...Two!...One!

Q. An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?
A. It doesn't matter - none of them exist.

Q. What do you call an aerobics instructor who doesn't cause pain & agony?
A. Unemployed.

Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a dentist?
A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.
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Old March 7th, 2007, 11:39   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #22
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What did the sea say to the sand?

Nothing, it just waved!
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Old March 13th, 2007, 13:22   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #23
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Default Funny signboards!

Here are some funny signboards

* In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

* Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

* On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

* Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

* At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

* In a New York medical building: "Mental health prevention center."

* In a toy department: "Five Santa Clauses -- no waiting."

* In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits - $10.00 - They won't last an hour!"
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Old March 13th, 2007, 15:40   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #24
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hehe...
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Old March 14th, 2007, 14:11   Go To Top / FR Forum Home / #25
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More moron jokes :)

* Why did it take the moron an hour to eat breakfast?
Because the orange juice carton instructions said Concentrate ! !

* Why did the moron climb the glass wall ?
To see what was on the other side!

* How did the moron try to kill a bird?
He threw it off a mountain cliff !

* How do you confuse a moron?
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in one corner!

* Why did the moron going to the airport turn around and go home?
Because he saw the sign that said "Airport Left".

* How did the moron try to kill a fish?
He tried to drown it in the sea.

* What do you do if a moron throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back at him .

* How did the moron fall on the floor?
He tripped over the cordless phone.
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